Preparing Big Siblings for a New Baby
I have always thought that one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a sibling. I have three little ones of my own, and watching them play with each other, learn from each other, and get into “mischief” together has been one of the greatest joys of my life. But when I tell you it was not easy at first…
Here’s a story for you: We brought home our youngest, Juniper, in August 2023 when my daughter Adelaide was 5 and a half, and my son Deek was just approaching 4 years old. We spent 9-months preparing them for the transition, talking about babies and getting them excited (or so we thought!). Low and behold, the day after we brought Junie home was absolute CHAOS. The pinnacle of the chaos came when Addy was sobbing in her dad’s arms and declared that she wanted to “put Junie in a box and send her to the orphanage because I MISS MY OLD LIFE BEFORE A BABY!”. And I mean, Junie was barely 72 hours old. Big feelings all around.
Luckily, that phase lasted maybe 48 (long, sad, emotional) hours, and once everyone had their feelings out, it got so much better.
So what can we do to help our big kids prepare for the arrival of their sibling?
Read books about siblings: There are plenty of books out there for each age group. Reading about pregnancy, birth, newborns & the idea of being a big sibling will promote bonding, help familiarize your little ones with language about siblings, and give them some idea of what it might feel like to have a new baby.
Play with dolls: Practicing being gentle with babies is so crucial, particularly with younger kids. Find a doll that you can rock, burp, change, and swaddle and let your little one observe and practice themselves!
Get to know other big siblings: Attend a big sibling event, have a play-date with other big siblings, and just immerse yourself as much as you can in the world of babies!
What can help after a new baby arrives?
Expect there to be some difficult behavior: Some siblings may sort of “regress” with things like speech, sleep, toileting and general behavior. This is pretty typical and will pass.
Have a special bin of toys for when you’re feeding the baby: Having a bin of novel toys, books or activities that you only pull out when you’re feeding or trying to get the baby down is a great idea to keep big kids entertained and feeling excited.
Try to carve out some 1:1 time every day: Even though you’re exhausted, trying to provide even 10 minutes of 1:1 time with your big kid can make a big difference in helping them feel some semblance of normal!
Let your big kids help out where they can: Allow your big kids to pick out baby outfits, get a diaper from the next room, help burp the baby, etc. This will help them feel extra important!
A new baby is such an exciting time, but it can definitely be overwhelming! Remember, everything is a phase. Go easy on yourself and your big kid!
PS: A postpartum doula can help with things like sibling care, so feel free to book a free consultation if you’d like to hear more about that!
